[Here is a news item on which I would like to invite comments from the lovers of the English language.]

"The New English"

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English  will be the official language of the EU rather than German. As part of the negotiations. Her Majesty's government conceded that  English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a  5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish".

In the 1-st year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards can have one letter less. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased with the "f" This will make words like  "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3-rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the language is disgraseful and they should go away.

By the 4-th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze 5-z year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis 5-z yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!
AND ZEN VE VIL ТАК AL OVER ZE VORLD!!!